C. S. Lewis...Minister to My Heart

How to explain to others a pain so deep.... that there are no words? A pain that carries with it a loss so profound that no explanation of the loss is able to communicate on any level what is missed. A lump in the throat. A place that is not filled. A heart broken place. Absence. Yet absence permitted. Purposed. Ultimately.... for my good.

As C.S. Lewis said in A Grief Observed...
"Nobody ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid but the sensation is like being afraid."

"People get over these things. Come, I shan't do so badly.
One is ashamed to listen to this voice but it seems for a little to be making out a good case.
Then comes a sudden jab of red hot memory and all this 'commonsense' vanishes like an ant in the mouth of a furnace."

"On the rebound one passes into tears and pathos. Maudlin tears. I almost prefer the moments of agony. These are at least clean and honest. But the bath of self-pity, the wallow, the loathsome sticky-sweet pleasure of indulging in it- that disgusts me."