Jul 31, 2007
Jul 30, 2007
Jul 26, 2007
"Her words broke down the walls of bloodline and tradition. Every man a child of God, all equal in His sight. No righteous Jew would agree with-nor Roman emperor tolerate-such a claim, for it broke the pride of the one and the power of the other."
Jul 21, 2007
I am not in sin for feeling pain. For crying. For sobbing into my pillow when the words won't come. I am not in sin for feeling angry enough to kill..... or for feeling too numb to even care. I am not in sin for worrying or for fearing or for wanting to take things into my own hands. I'm not in sin for wishing things were different. For begging the Lord to move now...whether He wants to or not!
I am human in these moments. I am a human child. His human child. He knows me better than I know myself so to deny any of these things...to pretend I am full of joy when life is killing me...it's just so not true and so not authentic...and frankly...quite pathetic. He would see right through me and so would everyone else. So, when circumstances slay me...I cry. I cry because I am in pain. I cry because I cannot prevent pain. I cry because it hurts to live in this world with so much pain. There are even times when I yell. And sometimes, I even kick, scream and carry on.
I cry for a time. I cry with the knowledge that He is patient and sympathetic to my tears. I cry knowing I cannot trust in my emotions or be paralyzed by them. I cry knowing that ultimately joy IS present and a peace that surpasses all understanding too. The realization of it will come to the forefront and make a home in my broken heart. I cry knowing that it's safe to do so in the loving arms of an understanding Father who wants me to trust Him enough to do so. And I cry knowing full well that He cries with me. I cry knowing that we have the sort of relationship that is not damaged by truth but one that thrives only in that truth. I cry knowing He will allow it only for a time...and then...after getting my tender hug and kiss on the forehead...I am given a gentle nudge and I am expected to go forward in the knowledge of what He has shown me. If I get stuck...and I do not move on or if I act on what I am feeling...I am in sin. And then, I get a spank.
Jul 17, 2007
It was very, very dark for a time...but a small flame always flickered.
Then, without warning...suddenly...all the lights came on.
And, the beast...after a knock down, drag out battle... is dead.
Thanks for praying. The heaviness has lifted. I move on towards the goal. Confident in His Sovereignty. Submitting to His Timing.
Jul 15, 2007
Jul 11, 2007
47 years ago tonight, my parents went on their first date. She was 13. He was 17. They lived on the same block and walked around the corner to the ice-cream parlor...where they ordered milkshakes. She had a black and white and he had a strawberry. On their walk back to her brownstone stoop...he stopped in a shop window. They stood back to back and he measured her. She wasn't taller...so he got up the nerve to ask her out again. They've been together ever since. They love the Lord, each other, their children, their grandchildren, and their friends.
Tonight, they are having another ice-cream date in their living room. Making due with what was in the fridge...she's having a vanilla cone with chocolate sprinkles and he's having Cherry Garcia.
Last week, Nationwide Vision for Jemima's check-up. New prescription w/cute new frames.
Today, Mcabe, Galilee, Jemima and Zion @ Dr. Libby's for cleanings and check-ups. Zero cavities! While I lay reclined with Zion in my lap, watching Jake and Josh on the ceiling mounted t.v....as she had her cleaning...I couldn't help but think, "Thank you, Lord... for this precious moment where I get to help my daughter get over her fear. Mothering is really the best job in the world."
Next, all five kids @ Dr. Ziltzer's for check-ups and (overdue) immunizations...3 different days because of a "no more than 2 kids per family/per visit" rule. Slight bummer.
Myself and Bria @ Dr. Resnik's for cleanings and check-ups. I got ZOOM for my b-day...so I'll take a spin in that chair too.
Myself @ Laura Dreyer Breast Center for bi-lateral mammos and ultra sound check-ups.
Myself at Dr. Perry's for boobie results.
Myself @ Dermotologist...whatshisname?.... to check a mole on the back of my knee.
Myself @ Dr. Johnson's to fix a brown spot on my cheek which appeared as a result of the laser removal of a blood blister.
Bradley @ Dr. Bethancort's for a check-up/physical.
Myself @ Dr. Holemon's for yukkk....you know what. Pretty big bummer.
All this to say...I'm learning to become a better steward of my body and the bodies in my care...and I'm learning how to be responsible...and I'm forcing myself to do the things I'd much rather put off until another time. I'm so thankful for our doctors, for insurance, and for our health.
Jul 10, 2007
We met when she was 14 and I was 16 and have been constants in each others lives...even during that much too long, few year estrangement in the late 80's...early 90's. We've seen each other at our worst and have lived to tell the tales. She accepts me for who I am and visa versa. I love her tremendously.