Self Service

"It is easier to serve than to pour out our lives completely for Him. The goal of the call of God is His satisfaction, not simply that we should do something for Him. We are not sent to do battle for God, but to be used by God in His battles. Are we more devoted to service than we are to Jesus Christ Himself?"

Ozzie



I don't know about you...but I hear a lot of Christ followers going on and on about how much they are doing for the Lord...when in reality...it is themselves they are serving.

Myself included.

I have a soft spot for women in this area.

Ladies...our role is to give the Lord the first position.  He is to be priority #1.  The Lord first and foremost.  If we have a husband...he comes next.  And then our kids.... extended family/friends...church body etc.

If my husband or my kids are being routinely being overlooked or neglected so that I can do the Lord's will.....it's most probably not the Lord's will that I am doing.

The temptation to deceive ourselves in this area is ever present.

And most people would never even notice that we are full of baloney.  

The culture is all screwed up on this one...and by that ...I mean the church culture as well.  





 

Table Reading / Perez Hilton / Interview Magazine February 2013

"Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one."  Stella Adler

• This was a surreal week for me.  Bradley was asked to participate in a table reading of a screenplay for an independent film being shopped around.  He and I bundled up (it's chilly in LA) and considered the evening out in Hollywood to be a long overdue date nite.   He took to the stage in a small dark theater alongside a dozen or so others...and did his thing.  As an audience member...it was a pleasure to see him work.  As a wife...it was as well.  He's really a good actor.  I don't say that because I am blinded by flowery feelings of affection.  I say it because it's true.  I hope with all my hope that he is given an opportunity to work in the field again.  I watched as the co-writer...an actor you would all know...approached him with an introductory handshake and a sincere..."It's nice to meet you, Man.  I am a big fan of your work."  Bradley was flabbergasted.  He has been humbled and has no idea how talented he actually is.
• We hung out afterwords at the Pig n Whistle w/ an old acting friend and his wife.  As life would have it...his son...an actor... and our sons have become close friends.  We hadn't seen each other in 17 years.  Since that time...he has married a woman...an actress...the child of Hollywood royalty.  I don't really care about that part of her story...even though it's fun trivia...what I am so pleased about is that.... at long last.... I was in her company.  Finally...I could get something off my chest.  I seized the opportunity to apologize for something I did to her as a teen-ager...something she had no clue ever happened.  You see...Bradley once told me while we were dating that prior to our getting together...he had thought she was cute (their paths crossed in acting class.)  One night...in my immaturity and prompted by jealously...I had her removed from an intimate house party in Laurel Canyon.  In protection of me...our dear friend...an actor...asked her & her pal to leave....claiming the space was "too crowded."  Two decades later....she listened to my confession ...and graciously forgave me.  Together we laughed out loud.   She is cute. 

• I walk into Braverijah's room early one morning to find him on a conference call with Perez Hilton...in regards to a music video he is directing. 
• And Today...Mcabe is featured in an Interview story.  
• And also......I have had a strong urge to write.

Maybe this week is the beginning of some movement in a direction some would call "career advancement?"  Maybe it isn't?

Only God knows.

Prayers please.  For protection.  Discernment.  Wisdom.  Guidance.  Open doors.  And closed ones. 

btw.....Mcabe ^^^^^^  is not a smoker.  He was in character :)

 





 

Caribbean Memories

This Rustic Inn is nuts.  Definitely worth a visit if you are ever in Ft. Lauderdale.  They give you a crab cooked in butter and garlic and a wooden hammer.  You smash the shell until the meat can be sucked out.  Delicious!  It was nice having dinner with Papa's sister, Aunt Jean.

Shopping for conch shells in Grenada.
Of course...Jemima and I had to have a little Lord of the Flies/symbolism discussion :)

A mom's work is never done.  Doing laundry for 7 on the ship.  And that includes a Current Events discussion while waiting for the dryer.  It was a pleasant surprise to find Fox News being broadcast in the laundromat.

It's lots of fun traveling with the boys as adults.  So handsome.  Especially when they dressed for dinner.

Eating dinner around the same table 11 nights in a row was such a blessing.  Not living near Nana and Papa is so strange...and has taken some getting used to. 

Wonderful memories. 

The Spirit of Truth

UPDATE:

I haven't been reading My Utmost For His Highest lately.  Discussing an issue that the Holy Spirit is currently guiding me through... my mom told me to go back to a specific date and read from there...each message...meant for each day of this current issue..... as it unfolds. 


Very specifically...
Jan 11
Jan 12
Jan 13
Jan 14

What an intimate Father!  To send his Son.  What a loving Son.  To go to the Father and send the Spirit!
_______________________________________________
This is off.
That is off.

This is skewed.
That is skewed.

This is backwards.
That is upside down.

This is wonky.
That is wacky.
 
It all boils down to the problem of sin.  And the gaping whole sin leaves in hearts and in relationships and in worldviews...and in history...and in current events.

The world has a sin problem.  The nations have sin problems.  Our nation has a sin problem.  Our churches have  sin problems.  Our communities have sin problems.  Our families have sin problems.  We ourselves have sin problems.

Collective sin and personal sin.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked : who can know it?   Jeremiah 17:9

There are times when I am angry over sin (hopefully my anger is a righteous one....and hopefully I do not react to my anger in a sinful way.)

I am usually grieved by sin.  That's how sinful I am...usually....how sinful is that?

Other times....I am overwhelmed.  And I am tempted to become apathetic.

Depression threatens to set in.  It's as if the issues swirling are so huge.  The mountains are so massive and eyes are so blinded...hearts so hardened....that I tend to shut down.

I don't though.  Entirely. 

During those times I  become quiet.

I watch.  I listen.  I pray.

And I wait.

Sometimes....I wait for days.  Other times...it is for weeks...maybe months.

And then there are the times that I wait for years.

When the Holy Spirit prompts me to move...I obey.
I act.  I say.  I do.  I text.  I call.  I pray harder and I pray again.

This relationship that I have with the Holy Spirit cannot be described adequately.

It's intimate.  It's alive.  It's growing.  It is deepening.

He is ever present and on my side.  He is...my Helper...my Kick in the Pants...my Restrainer...my Trustworthy Companion. He knows my heart and He knows my needs.  He intercedes on my behalf.  He goes before me...He hold my hand during... and He swoops in after me.

When I walk in the Spirit and obey what is whispered (not audibly :)...I can leave the consequences of whatever life's circumstances may be in His hands.

When He awakens me in the middle of the night to wrestle something out...I can trust that the skirmish we are engaged in is a worthy one.

It's been a long night.  And I am tired.  My flesh is weak. 



The following won't mean much to most.  It might speak to a few.

This post has been in the works in my heart and mind and in my blog drafts folder for over a week now....and then I entered Sunday's service to be met with  a sermon.

The Spirit of Truth

Intimacy as He urges me to search amongst the things that appear dry & brittle & lifeless...scattered in the wind....

...in order to find treasure.

 

Bubble Blowing w/Zion

Click to see Zion's Bubble Blowing Demonstration.

Official Family Portraits

 

One of my kids favorite things to do is gather around my parent's living room and dig through a chest of old family photos.  They never tire of it.  Neither do I. 

Next time we are at Nana & Papa's...I promise to find the FUNNIEST picture of Bradley, Braverijah, and I in the early days....and I'll post it.

Brad threatens to burn it...but we won't let him.

Holiday Memories

Bonaire snorkel trip.  Breathtaking. 

Magen's Bay on St. Thomas.  Jemima ^ reading...of course.

Grenada...known as the "friendliest spot in the Caribbean."  Riri (who LOVED Nana & visa versa) and Tanisha lived up to their island's reputation.  ^ Jemima reading again.

I have a thing for patinas.

Be still my heart.

Lots of faith displayed on the islands.  We didn't feel so bad leaving the boys with a random driver we met on the street who promised to bring them back in one piece (after a rainforest waterfall dive and a river rafting ride) once we saw his van message. 

What's a vacation without a little WWII history thrown in?

Merry CHRISTmas

Isaiah 55:8

Bradley and I were invited to hang out with a group of friends.  We wound up behind a VIP rope surrounded by dancers at The Abbey in West Hollywood. 

The male dancers weren't wearing much...if anything at all.

And obviously..... they were being paid to entertain.

They were beautiful.  Stunningly handsome. Strong.  Muscular. 

And young. I kept thinking of our sons and their friends.   No parent (gay or straight) in their right mind would be pleased or proud.

I was praying the entire time...and I could tell Bradley was too.  For the dancers...for the bar tenders....for the waiters...for the bouncers...for the patrons.

People have a hard time making eye contact in these situations.  But even a harder time holding eye contact.  I tried to look into the eyes of whomever the Lord placed before me.

A beautiful girl began to dance.  Dark hair.  Pretty smile.  My mind went directly to a friend of ours...a single mother.  She knows I don't like that she dances for a living cuz I've told her.  I want my friend to stop dancing.  To stop stripping.  I want her to see how beautiful she is.  How talented she is.  How amazing she is.  How fearfully made she is.  How wonderfully made she is.  How she is made in the image of God.  I do not want her to be used by other people.

I wondered about this girl in front of me.  Had anyone ever tried to reach her heart?

Places like this are so ridiculously and overtly sexual that they cease to be sexual. 

It was hands down right up there with every other non sexual experience one could ever imagine to encounter.

I do believe in supernatural protection.  And I do believe that the Lord equips the called.

We know precisely who the Lord had us at The Abbey for.  And I'm sure we were there for some others and we don't have any clue whatsoever about that.

For those of you who are concerned for us...

We felt led to leave before things got really weird.  When you are walking in obedience with the Lord...you are able to better discern his whispers and trust His timing in all circumstances.

On another note...if you are so led...please pray.  We have a friend who is coming out of the porn industry.  That's not easy to do.   The temptation to return to it is strong when bank accounts are squeezed into tight places.  When your identity is found in your sexuality.  In your work.  Idols fall hard.

We are contemplating where the Lord has placed us and how He might want to minister to others thru us.   

Days of Heaven

Days of Heaven

Linda Manz is amazing.  Pure talent.  I remember thinking the same thing about her when I first saw the movie in film school.  What an actress.

Best moment of the night...when Zion compared the fire destroying the wheat field scene to the lighting in Gone With The Wind.

Better yet....when she judged the fire destroying the wheat field scene to be too long.... and then compared it to every scene in "The Life Tree."

Bradley and I just about died.

She meant "The Tree of Life."

And she had no way of knowing Terrence Malick directed both.

Outward evidences of the film education she has received via osmosis.

And more evidences of a "family bent." 

Blew me away.

 

Thanksgiving

A pre- Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

Discernment

When the Lord gives me insight into any particular area...and I discern something contrary to what is being presented and applauded as "good" and "right" ...I often find myself needing to process through a time of deep grief and mourning...after my initial righteous anger settles.  (This does not mean I always express righteous anger in a sinless way...quite the contrary... lol)

Yesterday was not easy.  I felt an enormous burden for our nation.  The loss of so much... that so many do not even recognize as loss.  I wept for hours. 

Then, I began to communicate things to the kids like..."We will have opportunities now to minister to our hurting communities...in ways that we might not have if the Lord had not allowed this darkness to prevail."

And...

"If Rome could fall..."

And.....

"There will always be a remnant."

And...

"The Lord sees the big picture...we do not."

And...

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.'

And...

"In this world you will have trouble...but do not fear...for HE has overcome the world."

And...

And...

And...

And...

And...

All the things believers remind themselves of when they are tempted to despair.  


The below letter was sent to me by a friend.  



I'm writing to you to explain why, even after a late and discouraging evening that stretched past 1:00 a.m. on the East Coast, I was back at the office before 8:00 a.m. this morning.

And why the sinking feeling I felt last night has already been replaced with a deep determination.

And why I'm going out to buy equipment for our new office this afternoon.

And why we are going to build, build, build -- despite a stunning and, for me, unexpected defeat.

+ + Let's Be Clear: We Just Got Pummeled

Before I go on, let's be clear: last night was a defeat, and I didn't see it coming. I expected a "Tea Party Wave" -- perhaps a 300+ electoral-vote victory for Romney. All the signs seemed to be there. The 2010 elections, the failed recall of Wisconsin governor Scott Walker and even the Chick-fil-A Day pointed to a re-shaped political landscape. The polls and crowds made it clear that there was more enthusiasm with Romney.

But that wave never came. The people did not rise up and reject Obama's statism. Quite the opposite -- 15 million fewer people voted, and Romney earned less votes than John McCain did four years ago.

+ + Far Worse Than 2008

Upon reflection, what happened last night was far worse than what happened in 2008. Our first "dance" with Obama was mostly about smoke and mirrors -- "hope and change" that was never really defined. For many Americans, Obama 2008 was more an idea, an idealized dream and a collective catharsis from our dark past.

But Obama 2012 was something altogether different because now we know the real Barack Obama. We watched him advance the most radical leftist agenda since at least FDR. We saw him rape and pillage the free market and impose a government takeover of industries. We witnessed him go to foreign nations and apologize for America and then leave our people alone to die in Benghazi.

This time we knew Barack Obama. Yet a majority of American voters said, "More!" The opposition to Obama's agenda never really showed up at the polls.

We can try to console ourselves by saying it was a close election ... that the leftist media gave Obama the election ... that we couldn't really expect a Northeastern liberal Republican to be our standard bearer ... that a bizarre hurricane swung the election.

All that may be true.

But it matters little now. And the less time we spend blaming each other or the trickery of the other guys the better.

So here's why I'm more determined ... why I'm building.

+ + A 2,500-Year-Old Letter Written for Today
I want to share with you a letter that, although 2,500 years old, it could have been written this morning. For us. For faithful patriots who feel like they just discovered they will have to live at least the next four years in exile.

This letter was written to Jewish exiles who had been pushed out of Jerusalem and forced to live under a tyrannical ruler named Nebuchadnezzar.

The exiles wanted one thing: they wanted to be re-established back in Israel. They even had a prophet named Hananiah come to them and tell them that their time of exile would only last two years.

You can read about it in Jeremiah 28.

Hananiah was a false prophet. He died.

And so Jeremiah wrote a letter to the exiles. You've probably heard a part of that letter recited many times. It's one of the most commonly quoted passages in the entire Bible. Unfortunately, this passage is mostly taken out of its proper context and delivered as a "feel good" word that everything is going to be O.K.

One of my friends was quoting this verse yesterday morning:

 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Those words sound so good. The future is bright. God has a plan for prosperity, for a real hope and a real future. On the eve of the election, it must have meant a Romney win, the GOP takes the Senate and we start the rollback of the Obama regime, right?

Not exactly.

+ + The Plan Was Exile

Here's the shocking context of Jeremiah 29 (and I offer to you, the context for November 6, 2012): the plan was exile.

That was the "plan" Jeremiah's letter was talking about. I encourage you to go read all of Jeremiah 29. Here is the immediate context:

This is what the Lord says: "When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you ..."

The plan was 70 years of exile. Keep that in mind the next time someone quotes Jeremiah 29:11 to encourage you that your time of trouble will soon end. Not only was the exile going to last 70 years, the exile WAS the plan!

If you don't believe me, go back and read the beginning of the letter, from Jeremiah 29:4. Here you'll see the Lord (through Jeremiah) giving the Jewish exiles specific instructions on how to conduct themselves in exile:

--Build houses and settle down.

--Plan gardens and eat what they produce.

--Marry and have sons and daughters.

--Marry off your sons and daughters so they can have children.

--Increase in number; do not decrease.

Again, remember the context. A false prophet had just come and said the time of exile would only last two years. That prophet died. The truth is, the people will be in exile for 70 years. And the directive is to build families, grow businesses, think trans-generationally and increase.

+ + Seek the Welfare of the Land

It gets better. Because Jeremiah's letter makes it clear that building and marrying is not enough. People in exile must do something else -- they must be a blessing to the land.

"Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper."

So let's review. First, the plan is exile. Second, build. Third, bless. Simple, clear instructions.

But why was this important? Why a "plan" for exile with specific instructions on how to act in exile?

Historians tell us it was during the Babylonian captivity that the Israelites moved from a Temple/Jerusalem focused society to a synagogue and community focused society. Simply put ...

It was the lessons learned during their time in exile which enabled the Jews to survive 2,500 years in exile. But not just survive -- but to thrive and become the most prosperous, most successful and most innovative people group in the history of civilization.

Exile was the plan.

So that's why, today, I'm going to build. And I'm going to plant. I'm going to bless. And I'm going to pray.

For that is the final piece to the puzzle ...

"Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

So let's get building. Let's get planting. And let's get praying. And let's bless this land. There are lessons to be learned in exile.

Steve Elliott, Grassfire

P.S. If this message is an encouragement to you, please share it with your friends.

Proverbs 22:6

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Although this is not a promise...it is a Biblical principle and the truth it holds within it has brought me encouragement today.

I am so grateful for the calling on my life to home-educate.  I could not be more pleased with the Lord's dealings with me on this matter.

One of the sweetest memories I will take away from Election Night 2012 is the fact that 8 young Bible believing men showed up at our home last night...alongside our 5 kids...and white knuckled the results alongside us.  The ninth boy who came drives me up the wall with his "progressive" ideas...but I was happy to see him in between wanting to shake some sense into him. 

I yelled a bit.  I screamed...kicked and carried on.  They got to see me in rare form.
I will never forget their disappointed faces.  The blank stares of some first time voters.

And sweet Zion...when she woke up this morning..she sat on the couch collecting her thoughts.  "Wait...was I dreaming or is Barack Obama still our president?"

"He is," I responded. 

A little while later I found an exhortation that she had posted on the refrigerator door. 

Stay Calm and Keep on Keepin' On

So it's the day after the election and you are feeling so sad for your nation when someone sends you a link to an article which puts a smile on your face.