Jul 22, 2013


Yesterday during the sermon, one of our pastors relayed a story of a significant life event which caused he and his wife to dig deeply into their theology.

The event was a miscarriage.  Sadly, they had lost their first child.  

I cannot hear about the loss of a child without tears welling up.  It hits so close to home.

Bradley and I have mourned the loss of 5 children to miscarriage.  Each child was so wanted and planned for and wanted!!!!! and so rejoiced over while we had them with us.

I know I've blogged about it before...but healing is a process...and it takes time...and sometimes triggers arise.  And sometimes memories flood in.

I was telling a friend about an experience I had while going in for a female exam...an ultrasound.  During the procedure...it was just the technician and I.  Alone in a room...with an ultrasound machine.  She didn't talk much.  What's there to say?  It's not like she can give out any info.  You have to wait to hear from your doctor...a few days later...to either hear that you have some sort of horrible life threatening tumor growing inside of your uterus or on your ovaries...or not.

Well, as I laid there....reclined on the table...being poked and prodded...I began to feel weepy.  Tears began to well up and before I knew it...they spilled out.

The technician asked if she were hurting me.  "No,"  I reassured her.  "I'm fine."

I bit the inside of my cheek.  But it was no use.  Before long...I began to verbalize what was going on inside of my heart.  I shared my battle scars.

"It's just that...seeing my empty uterus on the screen like that....empty.... reminds me of sad places."  The technician turned the screen away from my line of vision and probably jumped to a conclusion there.

The wrong one...I think.

"I've lost children.  Five children to miscarriage.  I'm sorry for crying...this has taken me by surprise."

As clinical as technicians are trained to be...I saw a softening and a compassion in her.  She thanked me for explaining and told me she had never even considered a situation such as mine while doing a routine ultrasound on a knowingly non-pregnant woman.

Today...an article popped up on my fb wall and it prompted this post.

I would like to say to all the post abortive women out there in the world...I grieve your loss.  I know that you know that you have suffered a loss...even if the world tells you that you have not.

I would ask that you consider all those parents who have lost children prematurely due to circumstances out of their control...that you consider the message you send by denying that their loss is real when you deny that life begins at conception and that a growing baby is just that.

When you label a baby...a clump of cells...you are denying that there is a legitimate loss.

This message is repeated over and over and it's false.

And it is not compassionate.

It is not loving.