Adult RAD

Reactive Attachment Disorder...if left unaddressed....can leave a person with a lifelong inability to form healthy, deep, and meaningful relationships. Adults suffering with this disorder keep those whom they cannot control at a distance, manipulate, perceive themselves to be victims in situations, seem to have justifications for everything, operate passive aggressively, and appear to be addicted to drama. They set up "straw dog" situations which place others in positions that validate what they "knew to be true" all along..."I'm, on my own. The only one I can rely on is myself. I can only trust Me." Really these individuals are lonely and frightened....although it takes looking past their "tough-pull myself up by my bootstraps-take me or leave me" exteriors...and into their hearts. Lifelong patterns of dysfunction have taken hold and the mazes their lives have become....serve as traps of their own making. Often, they feel as if something is wrong but don't connect the dots with the fact that they themselves are the root cause of their own misery. They are in danger of alienating those close to them...and continuing their never ending ride on the "victim" cycle. The most difficult aspect for intimates to deal with is the non-reciprocal nature of their "love" which does not translate to love at all....but instead screams of control issues. Heartbreaking but true, these wounded adults begin life as wounded children.

Usually, children with RAD are usually fiercely independent. Because they have not been able to rely on the adults around them to meet their needs...they develop coping mechanisms which cause them to rely on nobody but themselves. RAD pops up in many children who are neglected, abandoned, or institutionalized...in children who have either themselves had an illness where they were separated from a primary caregiver...or who have sickly caregivers who "tune out." Many times children of depressed, overwhelmed, disengaged, drug addicted. or alcoholic parents show signs of struggling with RAD...as well as children who are raised with multiple caregivers (nannies, childcare etc.)

These children have a need to maintain control of their environments and their relationships. They are either loud, have no edit button, and poor impulse control...doing and saying whatever comes to mind... or are methodical and conniving...always jockeying for position, the last word, and the upper hand. They are often times charming, chatty, friendly and seemingly well adjusted as far as the outside world is concerned. Only those intimate with the suffering child...know that they are living a lie. Intimates see the manipulations and battles...sometimes subtle and barely perceivable.... for maintaining control. The key word is SUPERFICIAL. In a nutshell, a child with RAD cannot rely on the adults around him/her to provide security because that feels too unsafe...therefore they keep those adults and sadly, everyone else at a distance. Deep down....they are crying for rest. They are exhausted.

As we've travelled this road over the past 7.5 years...we've learned so much. It is our desire that the Lord use our experiences in the lives of others if He sees fit. Our biggest heartache is this...if a person does not bond in a healthy way to a caregiver or others...they will not only have difficulty maintaining relationships.... but difficulty accepting the love of and bonding with their Heavenly Father. Please know that with us...there is an understanding ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and no judgment. For those of you who are dealing with RAD and feel all alone...please be reassured that you are not. There is hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It takes truth, time, commitment, consistency, transparency, persistence, repentance, selflessness, and supernatural love. If you are a parent of a child with RAD you may never, never give up...even on those days when you feel like doing so. If you are dealing with an adult with RAD...you have the option of either counting the cost, setting boundaries, and attempting to go deeper...or not. It will be determined by the role you are willing to play and the role you will be allowed to play.

To see a child blossom is one thing. To see her blossom...knowing the work which went into planting the seed...watching it wither...planting another...watering...trusting a root system would grow...tearing it out months later because the tender shoot was being strangled by weeds...beginning again...another seed....more water....this time in more fertile soil...healthier, deeper, stronger roots...a little pruning...food...SONlight...protection from the cold...dead leaves....dead leaves with no appearance of life at all...not a single hint of life...only to have the shoots spring forth with new growth when least expected....then overflowing blooms....and even butterflies fluttering by! Now, that's....... quite another thing.

When differing world-views collide...conflict inevitably arises. As a Christ follower...I find it nearly impossible to deal with untruth. Left on my own to maneuver this life....lies turn my stomach. They keep me up at night. Not out and out lies so much...but the subtle ones...the ones that are passed off as truth. The ones that have just enough of a hint of righteousness that they sell most of the world with their convincing arguments. I've been struggling with the collision. Struggling with the manipulations. Struggling with the justifications. Then...graciously... I am brought to the realization that the scales must be lifted by Him.... and without Him, I too would be deceived. He carries my struggles and eases my burdens. In Him....there is peace.

The Ant And The Dove / Aespop Retold by Galilee

One hot summer day, an ant who was wandering and searching for a cool drink because she was so sweaty, thought that it was a great idea to get quenched. So she went down to the bank of the stream and reached down to the water where she slipped and fell in, nearly drowning. There was a dove who appeared from the sky in the full shaded tree. She heard someone splashing but when she looked down, it wasn't someone splashing cheerfully, it was the ant drowning. She took a large flat leaf off the tree and threw it to the ant because she didn't want the poor thing to die. The ant caught the leaf and floated to a nearby bank. The ant was so thrilled that the dove had saved her and she thought she was blessed to have her. The beautiful white dove thought highly of herself, until there came an evil bird catcher who wanted to catch her. The ant saw that her friend was in deep serious doo doo, so she decided to save her from the heinous man by stinging him. The man was in terrible pain. He cried, threw down the lime twigs he was going to make a net with, and ran away. The bird catcher felt horrible about trying to catch the dove. The dove felt happy because she had saved the cute little ant. The ant felt cheerful because she saved the dove. The ant, the dove, and the bird catcher became very honorable friends. They decided to live with eachother. The man wasn't called "the bird catcher" any more. His name became Ralphy. His friends names were Aunt Jemima and Bitty. After that, if anyone was in trouble, they would always be there for oneanother.

Vocabulary Sentences by Jemima

We are not allowed to watch (heinous) movies.
I hate people who mock with their (scoffing.)
Lost, the show has really secret (connivings.)
We should help people in Africa who need (attire.)
I hate when people are (sarcastic) because it's mean.
I was (stewing) over Math.
I'm on the (verge) of being two digits.
My dad is the (warden) in our family.
In Gone With The Wind, Scarlet wore a (corset.)

There's nothing quite like a fabulous pedicure.

One Afternoon in the Kitchen

6 Meatloafs / plus 3 for Nana
1 Mexican Chicken Soup
1 Peppers & Onions/Tomato Sauce
1 Great Northern Beans & Cannelli Beans Tomato Sauce

"Look, Mom...I found a rainbow!"

Lentil

Taste Bud Experiment.

So, let me tell you about my really wise girlfriend. She is staying up till midnight just to drive our teen aged sons down to Game Stop where they have already purchased...therefore RESERVED... but not yet picked up their very own copies of Halo III. They have agreed to go to bed no later than 2 a.m. and...here's the best part....she got two hours manual labor out of each of them...to be honored within the next calendar week. They are to sweat in her garden. And...she's moved up a notch on the "Cool Mom" scale. Brilliant woman....my friend.

Vintage Us 86'-89'

Blog Buster Sins

The Blog Buster hurt his wife...the last thing he would ever want to do. I am an unthinking, sinful, despicable soul...a wretched punk and I am truly sorry. In a perfect example of grace...indeed, my loving wife has shown me forgiveness. However, something hit me and I was led to blog bust. This example of grace has produced other conviction. You see I have been prompted to look at the situation even further. "What if the tables were turned Mr. Blogbuster"? Oh yeah...the insecure, selfish punk that I am would certainly not be so quick to forgive. In fact, I would carry this for a while...and I know my heart would be a lot harder. I love you...

I'm truly sorry my love.
B

Sometimes I feel as if I'm living in a Maxfield Parrish painting. Thank you, Lord for the beauty which surrounds my family each and every day.

Smoothies

No shirt and no cutting board. Home Economics Credit.

The Story of Ping

I am so in loooooooooove with this 5 In a Row Curriculum and Lap Books!

Dance Ministry

Can you believe this? What did we ever do to deserve a dance teacher like Miss Jana? Not a thing. She is an undeserved gift.
The following is a note that came home:
Class was such a blessing today. It was fun. We are beginning a dance to "Everyday" by Lincoln Brewster. If you have a copy, your daughter can practice! I'll send home a copy in the next couple weeks for them to have so they can rehearse. The girls are doing a great job. What a privilege to dance and praise God with these girls! I tell them how much I look forward to Tuesdays at 4 o'clock! It's the truth.

For HIS glory,
Janna

Co-Op

If you think you are unable to home-educate on your own ......you are right.

But girls, we can do all things through Christ...who strengthens us! He loves us so much that He places like-minded families into our lives. Why? So that our unity and love for one another ...brings glory to Him. And...so that we can carry one anothers burdens...and so that we have an avenue to use our gifts and passions.

Our home-educating journey is an enormous blessing... in part... due to the sold out, transparent lives of those He has brought together. Moms, and tutors...I place high value on the roles you play in the lives of my children and I take very seriously the role I play in the lives of yours. And if we think it's about academics...I am afraid we are missing the boat. Thank you, Jesus for being such a gracious and patient Father. Thank you for always waiting for me to get a clue and never.... ever saying "I told you so."

Monday: Co-Op 9:00-2:00
Bria & Mcabe (Literature, Worldview, Economics, Screenwriting)
Galilee & Jemima (Astronomy, Literature, Writing, Spanish)
Zion (Five in a Row)

Tuesday: Math Class/ Bria & Mcabe 9:00-10:30
Math Tutor / Galilee 12:00-1:00
Drums / Mcabe 3:00-3:30
Dance / Galilee & Jemima 4:00-5:00
Math w/ Mom / Jemima ????????????


Wednesday: Physical Science Class / Mcabe 9:30-11:30
Piano / Galilee & Jemima 2:00-3:00
Phys Ed / Gym 3:30-6:30
Bible Study / Bria & Mcabe 7:00-8:30
Math w/ Mom / Jemima ??????????????

Thursday: Math Class / Bria & Mcabe 12:00-1:30
Math w/ Mom / Jemima ?????????????

Friday: Math Tutor / Galilee 10:00-11:00
Math w/ Mom / Jemima ???????????????

Saturday: Spelling Power and all the other stuff we don't
ever get around to...finish all co-op assignments.

Sunday : Phys Ed / Gym 10:00-1:00
Church / Sunday School 4:30-6:00
Finish all co-op assignments we were supposed to..... but didn't.

Sunday Dinner

More of God's Whispers

Home Fellowship

Lord, please place a hedge of protection around our marriages and our 10 children...and please help us to be a blessing to You.